There are times when I’m depressed. Like, seriously depressed. Maybe I still am. Yes, I think I still am. There are lots of things in life that are not happening that I desperately want, need to happen, but they avoid me like rain in these dry parts. Maybe it’s just me, and the combined load of-
2. Clouds but not much rain, and
3. Nothing to look forward to
that is driving me nuts. Mostly its just PMS, and I tell myself I’ve experienced it before, it ALWAYS happens, that it will go away very very soon, and then I’ll be my cheerful self again but it always seems a lot more painful than before. I can never understand why.
I need to accept that there’s a lot of hormonal imbalance in my body… which causes all of my ‘extremeness’ and mood-swings and to overcome that I need to-
1. Start exercising, and
2. Cut down on all kinds of junk food (especially Papads)
And then today I hit rock-bottom. I just couldn’t take it in anymore… everyone including my own body decides to ‘teach me a lesson’ or something of that sort, which sucked big-time because I just BROKE DOWN. This was seriously It. Why was life so goddamn unfair to me?
And then there’s something about this house. I’ve seriously started to hate it. Especially during cloudy times. It just becomes so dark and gloomy… I mean, I generally love the diffused, mellow light that the combined effort of clouds, rain and smog produces, but that’s the light outside. At home it just feels horrible. Especially when the electricity too, decides to play truant.
But life is funny. Weirdly funny. Or perhaps it just when I get out of the house that I begin to feel immediately better. Or perhaps Nature has a way of soothing many a tormented soul. First, on my way to this amazingly beautiful farm, I saw these odd hen-mutants. Inspecting them a little closely, I saw the rich blue texture of their necks and realised they were little baby-peacocks. Frolicking about in the open. My heart leaped a millimetre. Good start.
Then, while coming back, it began to rain most splendidly. There was wind, fog and lots of rain, coming down upon us in the likes of some great judgement. The surroundings were moist-tingly green and the smell of fresh wet earth seduced my heart into performing a jig. My travel companion and I hadn’t taken the necessary rain prep. with us so we were as wet as a wet hen, but not as mad as one! The road was empty. Finally, a rickshaw came bumbling along and we managed to make space for ourselves with 7 other people. I was the one sitting in the corner, so I got a lot of wind and rain on one side of my body and shivers of excitement running through the other, partly from cold and partly from the excitement of being caught in the rain.
And just then, the depression rolled away. For such is the thrill of being wet and cold with a full blast of rain numbing down a part of your face while you see lush green meadows and grape vineyards whizzing past… and suddenly I felt like singing ‘American Pie’. So I started a loud and groovy rendition of “Bye, bye, Miss American Pie, took ma Chevvy to the levy but the levy was dry, them good ol’ boys were drinkin’ whiskey-n-rye and singin’, This’ll Be The Day I Dieeeeee…” in rhythm with the bumpy road… but thankfully it was not heard due to the loud hum of the rickshaw’s ancient engine and the buzz of the rain. And I was happy.
1. It was raining again…!!
2. I had seen two baby-peacocks
3. I was travelling alone on a rainy day without an umbrella, and was wet!!! Oh, the romance of it!
4. My city had some beautiful country roads that made me sing random folk and country songs
5. “And life has a funny way of sneakin’ up on you, when you think everythin’s OK and everythin’s going right … and life has a funny, funny way of helping you out when you think everythin’s going wrong and everythin blows up in your face…”
And then I reached home. And the electricity buzzed off. And I’m here, procrastinating from everything I’m ‘supposed’ to be doing, being melancholy and worrying about WHY some things just aren’t happening and eating a bunch of fried crap.
But still, feeling better than before.