a letter to all my friends…

It is one of those rainy mornings… and as I sit looking out of my window at those tiny drops that sit so primly on those bright green leaves; I just come to an understanding of how beautiful my life is. Yesterday, my best friend asked me to name the one thing I would ask for if a jinni granted me a wish… I thought and thought but frankly could not think of anything (well apart from un-frizzled hair and fewer inches around the waist, lol)… and I realised that hey, I guess I just have everything I ever asked for! I have the most amazing friends, have been having those little nuances of romance throughout this year (!!!), it is finally raining in my beloved city, I go cycling every evening through the drizzle along with my friends, my HSC score was near perfect, I’ve made my family very proud of me, I’m doing something I find exciting and enriching in the coming year, I’m not confused about my place in life or my goals, rather, I’m happy and at peace with my questions… what more can I ask of life??
And I’m just going to be leaving all this. In two days. In a couple of days I’m leaving for Delhi… beginning a new life, working and living in a completely new city with an amazing woman, and having the freedom to explore a completely new dimension of life.
A part of me obviously doesn’t want to go… to break this beautiful bubble of near-paradise I’m encased in and start building from scratch. I want to be engulfed in this complacency, this warm pink glow of happiness, this too-good-to-be-true phenomenon…
We’re all standing on a precipice now, knowing that sooner or later, each one of us has to jump down… I don’t know what is more difficult… being the first one to jump or the last person to remain standing??
The thing about leaving that hurts the most is the fear that the people who are the closest to me right now will not remain so… In these past six months I’ve just sunk into so many close friendships; people whom I’d never even given a thought to, people I’d thought had moved on far away from me, are now my best friends… life’s really weird in that way.
Well, heck… all I want to say is, and seriously, I’m having a LOT of trouble putting it into words for some reason… I’m going to miss you all. Each one of you who’s touched my life in some way, made it more beautiful and romantic and PERFECT… I’m going to miss being in Nashik and hanging out at Chitrangan with Nikita and Nachiket… I’m going to miss being padeek at PnR with Tanvi and Sudhanshu, I’m going to miss the cycle-rides with my neighbours Siddhi, Shivangi and Vidhi, I’m going to miss the rickshaw travels and ‘economical’ afternoons with Chaitanya, I’m going to miss those long-houred talks with Jayati… the unveiling of secrets during sleepovers, the patte-sessions with Amruta, the badaam-saat group, playing throwball, sitting on my gacchi watching the stars and Nashik’s lights with Tanvi (who made me discover how precious my city is to me. I owe you many many thanks, dear), playing Scrabble at Nahush’s place, sitting atop the water-tanki with a bird’s-eye view of Chitrangan (how I love that place!) and the pink sunset, the sheer amount of ice-cream we consumed, tears, laughter, making gigantic envelopes, swinging, giggles, late-night phone calls, smses, yahoo-ing… sigh…
It’s just that… we have to move on. It’s always better than clinging to each other and making life worse for ourselves and the people around us. Sometimes some relationships are worth letting go, you never know, but they may come back in a more beautiful way. Oh we all dream about going to the same college as our best friends, or living in the same city… but it hardly ever works out… and even if by some turn of chance we do, we get so involved in our own individual lives and can’t BE with that person anymore… facebook and emails do help loads to keep in touch but then we just lose that level of connection we felt once upon a time… and then, slowly, the other person is forgotten… the friendship fades into oblivion… a distant dream, a cherished memory of two roads that once crossed each other…
I hope, I do hope with all my heart that I remain friends with all of you… even just for the sake of what we’ve been through together… but if not, then… well, we can always carry that flicker of hope somewhere, that after the writing on these pages has long faded, some day we might meet again, indulge in nostalgia for our lives that were, read the frayed yellowing pages of Harry Potter once more, and perhaps, be friends again. 🙂

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