many questions, some answers…

Suddenly I’ve begun to miss my Nirman group a lot. I had these strange dreams about our entire group back together at Gadchiroli, and since yesterday, I have been feeling like running away from all this madness that we call our life- our cities/towns, the people around us, civilized ‘society’. I just want to get away from everything, back to Shodhgram’s beautiful and peaceful space and the warm company provided by the people there… and just be disconnected from the hullabaloo that prevails in this ‘urban’ lifestyle- the complete lack of privacy due to cell phones and the internet, pollution, loud noises, blaring lights, fights, apathy, greed and violence.
The blast that happened in Pune recently has shook me up and made me reflect… I don’t really know why, similar things of greater intensity have happened in the past in places I know better, Mumbai and Delhi for example… but the Pune incident just seemed so much closer to my life and so relatable… maybe because I read in the papers that 5 of the people killed were students like me gone to a bakery for a small celebration… and I kept thinking, aren’t these celebrations and ‘hanging out’ at bakeries/eateries a part of every urban youngster’s life? Haven’t there been so many occasions when I’VE gone to such places with MY friends? What if it’s me or my loved ones, the next time this happens?
I really don’t know how to deal with this fear… and fear it is, for it’s like I’ll never know where the next bomb may be kept. I’ll never know who might be the next people to be touched by the cold fingers of death and tragedy’s mocking face. They could be people I know or someone I love… and they died for what? Some lunatics claiming to bring ‘justice’ to their respective clans or communities or religions or whatever, by murdering random innocent people who could be THEIR relatives, for all they know?
I don’t understand this philosophy of violence. I don’t understand violence, basically. I am not saying I’m completely devoid of it myself; I too, knowingly or unknowingly become the cause of violence sometimes, but I don’t understand it at all. And neither do I like it. Why commit acts that are going to bring grief and pain to the world at large? What is ANY individual’s gain from that? It hurts me and makes me shiver that there are people out there who WANT to wipe out innocent lives, who are conspiring to plant the next RDX-filled bag in a spot crowded with happy, smiling people who have NO inkling that these are the last few breaths they are going to take… how can ANYONE want that?
Looking at it from another perspective, we can say it is all meant to be. My dad says that when your time has come, you shall be called. Only this acceptance will make you live your life in a much more fulfilling way. Rather than worrying about death and the how and why of it, if we could concentrate LIVING to the fullest all the moments we have, we would be much happier. True. In a way. But a question drowns my other thoughts; is there any way of stopping it? Stopping these innocent killings of people for some fanatic, delusional ‘cause’ to ‘provide justice’? And what can I do? The only answer I think comes close is that if there are people out there spreading the message of hatred, we, the other people, should spread the message of love. And I can try to be as non-violent as I’m able to in my own life. And live my life in such a way that while facing death, I shall NOT have to look back and regret never living to the fullest.
But are there any other answers? And any more ways I can contribute? If so, do let me know.
And to anyone who has lost a friend or a relative or just someone they know to a horrifying fate like this, all I’ll say is, I can imagine your pain. And just imagining it hurts so much, experiencing it must be much, much worse. But we are all together in this, standing in solidarity and bound by love, and celebrating life and mocking death.

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